I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
