Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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