So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
