Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
