You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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