Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
