i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
