I accidentally had phone sex last night
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
