I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
