You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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