Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
