We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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