The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
