so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
