I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Alive.
So much puke
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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