i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
