Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
