I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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