community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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