This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
