I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
