twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
