She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
