is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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