I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
