we're blogging at a bar
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
