I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
