Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
