youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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