that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
