You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
