I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
