Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
