I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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