Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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