so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
