Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
