i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
