The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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