I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
