It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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