I can't breathe out the right side of my face
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
