i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Who died my cat blue again?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
