I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
