im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
