She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
