bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
