And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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