Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
