That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's shark week go big or go home
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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