They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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